When WWE Superstars Go Random
by The Angry American
Summary: A bunch of drabbles in which everyday WWE wrestlers can get involved in the most random, yet strangest occurrences no one has ever seen. Believe you me, it will leave your head scratching. Chapter 22's up!
1. Curtis Axel's Cheese Tastes Funny

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Ryback and Curtis Axel are busy having a slice of delicious Pepper Jack cheese. Curtis Axel on the other hand decided to have some red cheese instead of the spicy kind. For amusement, they're watching an episode of Family Guy since they decided to kill time from competing in the ring. Meanwhile, there was something cringing inside the son of Mr. Perfect. And it didn't feel good as a matter of fact.

"This cheese tastes funny, man..." Curtis Axel spoke with his mouth full.

The cheese Curtis was tasting had such a bland aftertaste. It didn't taste a bit crunchy, except all Curtis was tasting was nothing but a gooey mess. After a few seconds of silence, Ryback decided to speak up.

"The red cheese is wax, man." Ryback responded.

Curtis Axel somehow looked at the cheese up-close. He looked a little bothered, and yet a little confused of the cheese he'd been eating so far, especially if the center had a white waxy center.

"Geez, no wonder this cheese tastes like stale ass." Curtis replied, pausing in an awkward tone.

However, after giving it such thought...

"Not bad, I love stale ass." Curtis nodded, eating the waxy cheese once again.

Talk about weird.

* * *

**More random weirdness coming soon.**

**If you want, you can help me with the chapters if you want. All you gotta do is PM me and that's it!**

**Until then, you know what to do from here! ^^**


	2. Triple H C's Wiener

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Triple H C's Wiener  
**

Triple H was at his office at WWE headquarters, looking up an edition of WWE magazine that had been released today. The article he was looking at showed Daniel Bryan getting his ass handed to the Shield like always.

"Poor bastard that Daniel Bryan is..." Triple H chuckled, "To think he's actually wants to be the face of the WWE. The face of WWE my ass."

As soon as he was laughing his ass off at Bryan's misery, his cell phone started ringing. The COO of the WWE put the magazine down and picked it up with his left hand.

"Hello, this is WWE headquarters, The COO of WWE speaking." Triple H spoke out.

The caller had a bit of a deep voice, sounding a lot more like a bullfrog.

_"Yeah, is Mr. Wiener there?"_ The caller spoke to him.

"Who?" Triple H said in a confused manner.

"_Wiener._" The caller corrected him, "_The first initials are I.C_."

"Yeah, hold on a minute..." Triple H muttered on the phone, right before he shouted from outside the door, "EVERYONE, IS I.C. WIENER HERE? I'LL TELL YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN... I.C. WIENER!"

Somehow, the laughs were heard outside his office, mainly from most of his co-workers who worked for Mr. McMahon's son-in-law.

But something strange was going on with this phone call. Triple H looked a bit bothered and yet agitated.

The realization set in: He just happened to be pranked by an unknown caller. The King of Kings felt madder than an angry rapist could ever be. With his aggression, he took it out on the poor son-of-a-bitch who called him.

"YOU SONS OF BITCHES! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD PLAY THE GAME LIKE THIS!" Triple H angrily screamed on the phone.

The unknown caller had laughed at Triple H's misery.

"I PROMISE YOU THAT WHEN I GET OUTTA THIS CHAIR, I'M GONNA TAKE MY SLEDGEHAMMER AND I'M GONNA POUND YOUR GUTS OUT SO HARD, YOU'LL ALL POOP-A-DUKE! THIS, I VOW!" Triple H screamed yet again.

But that only made the caller laugh hardly. Triple H couldn't believe that he wouldn't be taken seriously like this.

"AAAAGH!" Triple H yelled madly as he took his favorite cell phone...

...

...

...and threw it at the walls, breaking it on impact!

But it wasn't enough to control his anger. Triple H broke the "For Use of Emergency" window standing by the door, and brought out a sledgehammer. He grabbed the thing and started leaving for the door in an angry mood.

As Triple H was walking down the hallways, he passed his father-in-law known as Mr. McMahon.

"Hey, son. Where you going?" Mr. McMahon said, checking up on the COO.

"I'M MAKING EVERYONE POOP A DUKE!" Triple H snapped at his father, leaving him out of sight.

"Okay, that's a bit disturbing..." Mr. McMahon shuddered from that image.

Meanwhile, the unknown caller was chuckling from the inside of a Prius. The hand was considered to be female and that her voice had been disguised.

Quite frankly, the unknown caller who prank called Triple H...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...was Triple H's wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!

She tried to hold in her laughter, but it was to no use. Truth be told, she got a kick at pissing her husband off with that trick.

"Ohhhh, it's so good to be a bitch." Stephanie chuckled, hanging up her phone.

As long as she was gonna play his husband like a fiddle, Triple H wouldn't know.

* * *

**I guess I know what the score is. Stephanie: 1, Triple H: 0. That's the way it is.  
**

**Until then, more random craziness coming next chapter! You know what to do from here! (;D)**


	3. Awkward Dinner For The Shield

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Awkward Dinner For The Shield  
**

The Shield were at the dinner table, chowing down on some goodies just before the show starts. Dean Ambrose was chowing down on chicken cacciatore, Seth Rollins had chicken salad on onion bread, and Roman Reigns began scarfing down on tasty four-alarm chili. For fun, they were sharing a conversation.

"This food is good..." Dean muttered.

"I agree..." Seth muttered as well.

"Even this chili's rockin..." Roman said with his mouth full.

The conversation between them felt a bit boring, ever since they're focusing on the food they've been eating. Dean was hoping to break the tension between them.

"So..." Dean rolled his eyes, "Anybody check out that episode of Two And A Half Men yet? Funny stuff with Ashton Kutcher, huh?"

"Hate it. I'm on My Little Pony now." Rollins said, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"I'm more of a Duck Dynasty guy myself." Roman replied, sipping on more of his chili.

"I see..." Dean sighed, "Never mind, then...

This was growing way more boring than usual. The tension between them was so strong, Dean couldn't feel what both men were feeling.

Quite frankly, something was on Dean Ambrose's mind. He needed to reveal something that's been a burden on his heart. But it was best to reveal the news to his friends right now.

With a deep breath...

...

...

...

...

...

"I'm gay!" Dean shouted out.

"I'm out!" Seth snarled at Ambrose.

"Ugh! Me too!" Roman cringed as well, throwing his cup of chili away.

And then all of a sudden, both Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns left the dining hall, leaving Dean Ambrose all by his lonesome.

"C'Mon, guys! It's not like that! Gay means happy!" Dean shouted out to his friends.

But no matter how much Dean had to persuade them, Seth and Roman were gone. I guess they were better off without a supposed gay member of the Shield.

"Geez, since when did being happy become such an injustice...?" Dean growled to himself.

* * *

**I don't think I've ever seen Dean Ambrose smile with happiness at all. He looks a bit like a cringing mantis when he snarls.**

**Anyway, more random craziness in the next chapter. Until then, you know what to do. (;D)**


	4. O'Doyle is rolling in their graves

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon. Oh, and I don't own anything related to Mr. Adam Sandler himself.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4: O'Doyle is rolling in their graves  
**

Ryback, Curtis Axel, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman were driving along a Highway 65 interstate en route to the next town. Luckily for them, there was no traffic jams or any signs of police whatsoever. Ryback, Curtis Axel and Brock Lesnar were currently fighting over who's the more dominant fighter when all of sudden, Paul Heyman broke up the fight.

"Hey hey hey... who rules?" said Heyman.

"RYBACK RULES!" The trio all said together. "RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES!"

The threesome were all in a total frenzy. And all Heyman did was smile at his so-called Paul Heyman guys.

But all of a sudden, their car suddenly ran through a banana peel, causing Heyman's entire car to lose control. Paul Heyman was trying to keep control of the wheel, when all of a sudden...

...the entire vehicle went off the road and started approaching a cliff.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Paul Heyman screamed like a lunch whistle. Unfortunately, the 'Ryback Rules' chant drowned out Heyman's cries for help.

He tried to stop the car from approaching the cliff, but it was way too late.

The car had plummeted down to a soon-to-be early grave. All that was heard of the trio was these two words:

"RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RULES! RYBACK RUL-"

_***BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!***_

With that explosion, all four men were dead. End of story.

* * *

**Sorry if that lacked a little bit of humor, but I just had to do it, inspiration-wise.  
**

**I bet some of you who have watched an Adam Sandler film knew what I got this little chapter off from.**

**Anyway, more randomness coming up next chapter. Until then, you know what to do! (;D)**


	5. Bella Twins vs Closet Mirrors

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Bella Twins vs. Closet Mirrors  
**

Nikki Bella was busy walking by her bedroom with a hot chocolate mug in her hand...

...when she discovered a closet mirror, discovering her reflection.

"Hey, get outta here! This is my house!" Nikki shouted to her reflection, thinking there was an intruder of some sorts.

With her hand in the shape of a fist, Nikki charged at the reflection...

...only for her face to hit the glass material with a thud and was knocked down instantly, alongside her cup of hot cocoa.

Meanwhile, Brie walked by her bedroom wall and saw her twin sister get knocked down. With a gasp, she went to go check on her.

"Oh my god, Nikki, what happened?" Brie cried out, "Who did this to you?"

But then, Brie started to look at her reflection, thinking it was an intruder. Feeling stunned and shocked, Brie went into rage mode.

"Did you do this to my sister?" Brie pointed angrily at her reflection, "I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"

Just like her sister, Brie charged angrily at her reflection...

...only to hit smackdab into the mirror, knocking Brie unconscious as well.

With both sisters down for the count, the score was this:

Closet Mirrors: 2, Bella Twins: 0.

* * *

**I know this looked very random and strange at first, but I just had to do it for kicks.  
**

**More random crap to go next chapter. Until then, you know what to do! (;D)**


	6. Brodus Clay at a drive thru

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon. The words in italics will be the drive-thru teller talking, just so you know.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Brodus Clay at a drive-thru  
**

"The Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay was on a huge appetite. So what better way to curb up a delicious appetite than going to Burger King, Home of the Whopper? He approached the drive-thru speaker and awaited the employee to give out his order.**  
**

_"Hello, welcome to Burger King. Can I take your order?"_**  
**

"Yeah, can I have one of your $5 Hot and Ready pizzas?" Brodus spoke out.

_"Um, sir... we don't serve pizzas here. We only serve burgers. Please order something from the Burger King menu."_

"Yeah, can I please have a Hot and Ready pizza?" Brodus replied again.

_"I already told you, sir... we don't serve pizzas here!"_

"I don't get it..." Brodus said scratching his head, "I thought this was Pizza King!"

As a result of Brodus Clay's utter stupidity, the drive-thru employee lost his patience. He was about to blow up like an atomic bomb.

_"No sir, this is Burger King, not Pizza King! If you're looking for pizza, try the pansy-ass Little Caesars across the street! In Burger King, we serve nothing but Whoppers, fries and shakes! Order one of those before I start putting a gun to my fucking head!"_

"Okay, okay! Don't have a bird!" Brodus said sarcastically.

The Funkasaurus looked at the menu a little bit closer and squinted his eyes. It seems that his vision had been blurred a bit. After all, The Funkadactyls and Tensai were trying to help Brodus Clay get some eye surgery. But Clay insisted that he was fine.

After getting a nice close-up at the menu, Brodus spoke right to the speaker.

"Okay, I think I made up my decision." He smiled.

_"Good sir. What will you have?"_

"Can I have a Hot and Ready pizza?" Brodus replied.

And yet, there was silence. Plain utter silence. The drive-thru employee didn't respond for a few seconds. That was all followed up by the sound of a gunshot.

*BOOOOM!*

When Brodus heard that gunshot, he gasped in utter shock.

Scared as shit itself, The Funkasaurus drove away in fear, hoping to never comeback to the suicidal nuthouse that was Burger King again.

However, inside the eating establishment, the drive-thru employee overshot the mark, missing his head by a close inch. Talk about having to think about second thoughts about his life at the last minute."

"Not today, Rick..." The employee sighed to himself while holding shotgun, "Just not today..."

Trying to get away from the scene, Brodus Clay managed to drive up to Little Caesars next door. At least that was a safer place for him where the place didn't involve suicidal loonies.

With a deep breath, he approached the speaker, awaiting the Little Caesars employee to speak on the mic.

_"Hello, welcome to Little Caesars! May I take your order?"_

"Yeah, can I have a Whopper please?" Brodus smiled.

* * *

**I know this lacked a little bit, but how stupid can Brodus get from here?  
**

**Anyway, more random goodness to come next chapter! You know what to do from here! (;D)**


	7. Punk and Kelly get down

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon. Oh, and in this chapter, Kelly Kelly doesn't leave WWE.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Punk and Kelly get down  
**

Both CM Punk and Kelly Kelly are driving among a snowy interstate, leading up to Punk's hometown of Chicago.

Unfortunately, their car had suddenly ran out of gas, forcing the Aston Martin to come to a complete stop among the middle of nowhere. Realizing this, Punk hit his forehead on the carhorn in frustration.

"Damn it! We're out of gas!" Punk whined, "And worst of all... the car battery may be half dead as it is!"

"No no no, that can't happen." Kelly replied in fear, "I have to be at Monday Night Raw for three hours! There's no way we're gonna make it in time with your car being dead as it is."

"Nothing to worry about, Babs. I got it covered." Punk smiled in comfort.

To save the day himself, Punk pulled out his trusty iPhone and called for assistance in the form of a tow truck. After he successfully made the call, he turned to Kelly/Babs with some good news.

"Don't worry, Babs. We're gonna make it just fine." Punk smiled yet again.

But then, CM Punk started to shiver because of the cold air inside the car. As a result of this, he covered his entire upper body with his favorite gray jacket.

"Well, that's better." Punk sighed, feeling the warmth of his fleece jacket, "I guess we might as well kill time while we're at it."

"Oh, thank god. You got something in mind?" Kelly spoke to him again.

With a finger on his chin, CM Punk needed to think of something to pass the time.

_**One hour later...**_

The car to where CM Punk and Kelly Kelly were sitting in got a bit fogged up. Maybe if it was too hot, or perhaps it was way more than 'hot' itself.

Especially when the tow truck arrived in time, even though it only took him an hour to get here because of the snow. The driver looked at the fogged-up car up-close and displayed one greedy smirk on his face.

"Yo-hoho!" The driver raised his eyebrow.

When he wiped up the entire window with a touch of his hand, he looked inside.

But only to his disappointment...

...he saw CM Punk and Kelly Kelly playing Texas Hold 'Em.

"Ohhhhh..." The driver sighed, hoping that he would see Punk and Kelly get down on each other.

He left the twosome alone as he took the hook and connected to Punk's car. After that, the driver got in his tow truck and rode off, along with the car that Punk and Kelly were inside in.

"Finally! We're getting somewhere with this!" Punk sighed in relief as he threw away the poker cards.

"I know, right?" Kelly replied, before staring at Punk with a flirtatious look on her face, "You wanna do it, Punky?"

"Bet your sweet ass I do!" Punk exclaimed.

And then all of a sudden, CM Punk and Kelly Kelly had engaged in a hot passionate kiss. The two were all over each other like cats playing around with a ball of yarn. They proceeded to get down on each other, which was a smart idea since every car in every highway would be disturbed by their lovemaking.

The driver got a good look at their escapade through a rear-view mirror, especially when he saw Kelly Kelly's bra flown to the backseat.

"YO-HOHO!" The driver hollered in secrecy. Seeing this, it was definitely the luckiest day in this tow-trucker's life.

* * *

**Does anybody know where I got this chapter off from. I'll give ya a hint. It comes off from one of Matt Groening's shows.  
**

**P.S.: For some of you die-hard wrestling fans, "Babs" is actually short for Barbara or Barbie, which is of course Kelly Kelly's real first name.**

**More randomness to come soon next chapter. Until then, you know what to do! (;D)**


	8. AJ Lee channels her inner Cornholio

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 8: AJ Lee channels her inner Cornholio  
**

Tamina Snuka and Kaitlyn were backstage, sharing a conversation, or gossip, if you will about a certain crazy diva.

"Have you noticed what's up with A.J. Lee lately?" Tamina replied.

"Not really? What's going on? A.J. come out of the closet yet?" Kaitlyn guessed.

"I wish..." Tamina rolled her eyes, "She's starting to sound strange, and yet I don't know why..."

The two girls looked far away at the dining table where A.J. Lee was busy munching on peppermints and slurping down amounts of coffee. One of the backstage workers tried to get his hand on a peppermint, but...

"Get your hands off my mints, Buttmunch!" A.J. snapped at the backstage worker, which forced him to run off in fear.

However, after taking a sip of the coffee, A.J. Lee started to shake.

Her entire legs, her feet, her teeth, and her whole chest rattled with irritation. A.J.'s whole body looked like she was enduring an earthquake. But she was transforming into something strange.

It was so strange, that A.J. lifted up the collar of her shirt and pulled it over his head. And with a cross-like pose, she screamed into the air.

"RAAAAAAAGH! I AM THE GREAT A-HOLIO! THERE WILL BE D.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLES!" A.J. (or A-Holio) shouted in nonsense.

And then suddenly, the Prime Time Players started walking by, getting ready for a match. Just to irritate them, A.J./A-Holio approached them.

"I am A-Holio!" A.J. shouted, "Will you give me D.P? D.P. for my bungholes?"

Both Darren Young and Titus O'Neil were disturbed by her behavior.

"What on earth did she say?" Darren said to Titus.

"I don't know, but I'm not gonna have sex with somebody this crazy, man!" Titus exclaimed.

"Yeah, plus I'm gay!" Darren fumed at A.J.

With that, the Prime Time Players left her high and dry on the way to the ring. Without anyone to bug to, A.J. or A-Holio went to go bug out another poor bastard.

"WILL SOMEBODY GIVE BE D.P.? MY BUNGHOLES WILL NOT WAIT!" A.J. shouted yet again.

Just like the Prime Time Players, both Kaitlyn and Tamina were disturbed. They didn't know what to say about A.J. at all.

"That was disturbing..." Kaitlyn muttered.

"No kidding..." Tamina muttered as well, "Back at high-school, she was voted 'Most Likely To Take a Shit During Sugar Drives'."

Maybe it was better for them to ignore their crazy friend for the rest of their life.

* * *

**Mike Judge would be proud of this one bit. Just so you do know, A-Holio is a parody of Cornholio, which is Beavis's erratic alter-ego from "Beavis And ButtHead".  
**

**More random crap to come after this. Until then, you know what to do. (;D)**


	9. Bad News Barrett Strikes

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Bad News Barrett Strikes  
**

Wade "Bad News" Barrett was sitting down in a podium like he was hosting a news segment. Behind him was just a blank black screen. Something was on his mind, they could tell.

"Hi, I'm Bad News Barrett." Wade replied. "I have some good news and some bad news."

With a clear throat, he gave out the advice.

"The good news is, WWE is still the number one company in sports entertainment."

He cleared his throat again, only to deliver the bad news.

"The bad news is... I fucked your mother last night and she may be pregnant. Thank you."

* * *

**Wa-la! Bad News Barrett everybody!**

**More random crap coming soon. You know what to do from here! (;D)**


	10. Vanilla Puh-ding

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Vanilla Puh-ding  
**

The rest of the superstars were busy having a nice clean bowl of delicious french vanilla pudding that Brodus Clay's momma had made for them. It was a special treat for all of the wrestlers since they were a bit starving. (They were pissed off at Ryback for eating all of the food that the catering people made for them before the show.) The whole place was packed full of wrestlers sitting down and getting that first taste of Brodus's delicious pudding.

"Man, this pudding is rocking my taste buds!" CM Punk said with his mouth full.

"I rise above pudding!" John Cena declared to the entire room itself.

"I can feel my entire mouth tingling inside of me!" A.J. Lee said, feeling ecstatic about the flavor.

And so did everyone else, who were feeling a huge spark inside their mouths. It was almost like tasting french vanilla-brand whipped cream. Or perhaps french vanilla coffee. So far, the french vanilla pudding was drugging every kind of superstar filled with taste buds. It was unlike everything they've ever tasted in their life.

But shockingly, it wasn't meant to last. Out of nowhere, somebody shouted around the dining table.

"EW, SOMEBODY CUMMED IN OUR VANILLA PUDDING!"

Hearing this, the rest of the superstars all put down their spoons...

...slowly got up from their chairs...

...

...

...

...and screamed!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The superstars and divas screamed. Who on earth would do such a thing like this?

Who would steep so low to have someone put their cum inside Brodus Clay's vanilla pudding?

"MY MOUTH! IT TASTES LIKE A STAINED JOCKSTRAP NOW!" JBL screamed in panic.

"I'll never have pudding the same way again! Mommy!" Triple H screamed randomly, waving his arms like a moron.

The madness was so unbelievable that the carnage looked like a tornado hit this place. There were so many tables broken and chairs busted up from all the running, it looked like the Dudley Boyz were back, even though they weren't.

The entire roster all left the dining table...

...

...

...

...all except for Ryback. He was perhaps the only one in the WWE roster left.

The meat-eater looked around and saw that this place was nothing more of a ghost town. Learning that firsthand, Ryback saw this opportune time and catched it head-on.

"Heh. I thought they never leave. And to think there was actually cum inside Brodus's tasty french vanilla pudding! MORE... FOR... ME!" Ryback chuckled, scooping every bowl of vanilla pudding there was and ate them all like a dump truck.

Talk about getting his for the taking.

* * *

**I'm pretty certain Ryback will eat anything he'll ever see, regardless of what it looks like. Hard to believe that something so tasty and delicious as pudding could resemble so much like sperm. I'll still eat it though.  
**

**Anyway, more random shit to go. I felt like upping the rating a bit so that you can expect more crude stuff. Anyway, you know what to do from here! (;D)**


	11. Roman Blows It

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Roman Blows It  
**

Roman Reigns of the Shield was busy reading the latest issue of WWE Magazine when he sees Cameron of the Funkadactyls walking by through backstage. Trying to find that perfect gentleman look, she spoke to her, hoping that he'll ask her out on a date.

"Hey, Cameron. How's it going?" Roman said to her.

"It's going good. I'm getting ready for tonight." Cameron smiled to him.

"I masturbate to Monster High dolls, will you go out with me?" Roman shouted out loud.

"How dare you, you sick perv!" Cameron gasped.

In the process, Cameron kicked Roman Reigns in the penis, therefore making him cringe on the concrete.

"AAAAAAAGH! SON OF A MCMAHON'S DICK!" Roman screamed in pain, holding his little friend in safety.

After he whipped her beautiful hair, Cameron walked off.

Luckily, Roman managed to stand up on his own two feet and shouted to someone off camera, mostly his Shield partner Dean Ambrose.

"DEAN, THE JACKING OFF TO MONSTER HIGH DOLLS THING DIDN'T WORK ON HER!" Roman screamed. "YOU OWE ME $20, FUCKTARD!"

"Too late, I already spent the rest on My Little Ponies and blow! Tough luck, ass-munch!" Dean shouted back.

"FUCK-SHIT!" Roman whined, groaning that his little tactic on Cameron ended painfully.

* * *

**Wow. Roman must have a serious problem after all. Oh well, life sucks for him!**

**More randomness to come next chapter! Until then, you know what to do from here! (;D)**


	12. Bad News Barrett Strikes Again

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Bad News Barrett Strikes Again  
**

Once again, Wade "Bad News" Barrett was sitting down next to a podium. And yet again, behind him was a blank black screen. Oh, was this gonna be fun.

"Once again, this is Bad News Barrett." Wade replied. "I have once again, some good news and some bad news."

With a clear throat, he gave out the good news."

"The good news is, WrestleMania 31 will take place in Santa Clara, California."

And then came the bad news.

"The bad news is... Your big brother jacks off to My Little Pony dolls. So if you touched one recently, you might be diseased. Thank you."

* * *

**Once again, Bad News Barrett everybody!**

**More randomness to come. Until then, you know what to do. (;D)**


	13. Curtis Axel's Egg Tastes Funny

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Curtis Axel's Egg Tastes Funny  
**

Ryback and Curtis Axel were at Ryback's house watching "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" while chomping down on some tasty hard-boiled eggs. However, Curtis Axel's mouth had a cringing look all of a sudden.

"Dude, my egg tastes funny." Axel said with his mouth full.

Trying not to laugh it out, Ryback muttered to him.

"That's because Paul Heyman wiped his ass with it two minutes ago." Ryback chuckled.

Somehow, Curtis Axel wanted to vomit hearing this. He didn't know if he wanted to spit it out and gargle down on some mouthwash, but he already decided for himself.

"Ah, screw it." Axel nodded, sending the entire egg into his mouth. "I still love me some ass."

* * *

**I did a similar chapter to this in the first chapter, but I decided to do it with an egg this time. So gross, so cringing, but yet so funny!  
**

**More random crap to come soon! Until then, peace! ^_^  
**


	14. Roman blows it again

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Roman blows it again  
**

Roman Reigns was at the catering table sipping on his iced coffee when Kaitlyn walked by. Whipping his black locks backward, Roman took in a deep breath and went for the kill.

"Hey, Kait." Roman said to her.

"What's up, Roman?" Kaitlyn smiled back.

"Nothing. I just wanted to ask you something very important." He replied while rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm a bit busy here, but you're more than welcome to tell me." Kaitlyn smiled yet again.

With another deep breath, Roman spoke from his heart.

"I fucked a baby horse. Will you join me?" Roman shouted out.

"Ugh! No way, you sick freak!" Kaitlyn gasped.

As a result...

*POW!*

Kaitlyn punched the holy hell out of Roman Reigns in the face. Roman went down like the entire London Bridge itself. For the second time in Roman's failed love life, a woman walked out on him.

As he was holding his face in pain, Roman shouted to somebody for help, mainly his Shield partner Seth Rollins.

"SETH, CAN YOU LEND ME A HAND?"

"CAN'T DO IT, I'M MASTURBATING!" Seth shouted back.

"GODDAMMIT!" Roman whined in defeat. Talk about getting shot down for the second time around.**  
**

* * *

**The truth is, I didn't know what to write for the 14th chapter, so I had to make something up at the last second. But I promise I'll come up with something entirely random and original for the next chapter. This I vow!  
**

**Anyway, what did you think about this chapter? You're more than welcome to give me feedback! (;D)**

**More random crap to come next.**


	15. TOO LOUD!

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15: TOO LOUD!  
**

There was a packed crowd around Little Rock, Arkansas for Monday Night RAW. In the ring, John Cena was busy ranting to Randy Orton about such nonsense.

"You being the face of WWE makes my pee-hole puke!" Cena exclaimed, trashing at an unimpressed Apex Predator. "When I beat you down at the Royal Rumble, you're gonna look up on your back, and see me raising high with both titles, because I fucked your mother!"

The entire crowd rose up in cheers for John Cena, despite some of the majority responding to boos.

The crowd frenzy lasted for a good second until-

"EXCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEE!"

That single sound forced the entire crowd to engage in boos. The boos were so loud that even the ring announcer's eardrums were bleeding to death. Quite frankly, those boos for only one person:

The General Manager of Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero.

"John Cena, I will not have that ounce of rude language on my- I said, EXCUSE ME!"

Unfortunately, Vickie trying to shush the crowd only forced the boos to go through the roof. Vickie was agitated by this response. Of course, it wasn't any surprise since she's gotten the same negative response each week on TV.

The annoyed General Manager tried to shush them again, "For the four hundred thousandth, one hundred eighty-eighth time... I SAID EXCU-"

"TOO LOUD!"

To Vickie's annoyance, someone cut her off.

To everyone's surprise, it came at the hands of an old talking fish with coke-bottle glasses. He was so elderly that the only thing he could speak was to shout loud.

Vickie felt more angry that someone cut her off. So he took her attention off from Cena and Orton to focus on the elderly talking fish. With her blood veins popping at the top of her head, Vickie screamed at the old man.

"WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME-"

"TOO LOUD!" The fish said, cutting her off.

Somehow, Vickie realized her screaming made the old man hearing aids hurt. So she decided to tone her voice down.

"Who are you to tell me-"

"TOO LOUD! STILL TOO LOUD!" The old man hollered at Vickie.

Knowing that this wasn't going anywhere, Vickie lowered her voice again, but this time it was so low that nobody could hear a bit.

"Who are you-"

"STILL TOO LOUD!"

Vickie's whispering wasn't getting anywhere. So he decided to mutter softly.

"Who are-"

"TOO LOUD!"

The elderly fish-man had Vickie beat. There was no reason for Vickie to speak any longer.

So in defeat, Vickie raised his hands, but that only made the old man silence her again.

"STILL TOO LOUD!"

Gently, Vickie sent the microphone down, but the old man-fish spoke once more.

"TOO LOUD!"

And then, to the fans enjoyment, Vickie left the stage, never to be seen again.

"TOO... LOOOOOOOUD!" The elderly fish shouted.

The rest of the fans all cheered at the old man-fish for getting rid of Vickie. But then, the fans cheers was getting to the old man's ears.

"STILL TOO LOUD!" The old man-fish declared.

But his screaming still did nothing to silence the ecstatic crowd. That's why he decided to leave the building with his wheelchair intact. As he was rolling up the stairs with her nurse, the old man-fish screamed out of pity.

"I SWEAR, I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THEM LITTLE BASTARDS AND THEIR CRAZY WRESTLING GIBBERISH!"

* * *

**Yep, just so you know, that was the old fish from that "Spongebob SquarePants" episode titled "Hello Bikini Bottom!". Remember that part when SpongeBob and Squidward would try to play their instruments, but the old fish would tell them that it's too loud, even when they're not playing their instruments? I decided to have him make a cameo in this chapter. So tell me what you think, okay?  
**

**Anyway, more random crap to continue!**


	16. Bad News Barrett Strikes Yet Again!

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 16: Bad News Barrett Strikes Yet Again!  
**

For the third time, "Bad News" Barrett stood up in his usual podium. The walking public service announcement had a few words of his own.

"This is Bad News Barrett here, with some good news and bad news." Wade responded.

After clearing throat, he gave out the good news like usual.

"The good news is, Justin Bieber's retiring."

And then came the bad news.

"The bad news is... Anyone who listened to his music for the past five years will have a 99% chance of committing suicide this year. Thank you and good riddance."

* * *

**True that, B.N.B.  
**

**More random crap to come next chapter.  
**


	17. Pee-epsi

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Pee-epsi  
**

CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler were at backstage having a conversation while drinking their Pepsi.

"Man, this Pepsi's good." Dolph said to Punk.

"I agree," Punk nodded. "Although mine tastes kinda lemony..."

"That's because I peed in your cup." Ziggler blared out.

Hearing this, Punk spat out the urine-soaked Pepsi in disgust. Desperate to wash out his tongue, he gave Ziggler his cup of Pepsi.

"You're a vagina!" Punk snapped at Ziggler.

As a result, CM Punk left Ziggler in the dust.

This left the Showff to pick up the tainted drink itself.

"Well, there's no shame of this going to use..." Ziggler muttered.

But before Ziggler could throw it away, Vickie Guerrero approached him while she was quickly losing breath. From the blue tracksuit she was wearing, she was mainly running in place.

"Oh, good. Something to drink..." Vickie panted, eyeing at the Pepsi that Punk refused to drink.

However, Dolph tried to warn her, "Um, Vickie, you might not-"

But it was too late. Vickie had snatched the urine-scented Pepsi and drank it full-on. Ziggler tried not to heave watching this, but it was so exciting to see Vickie drank a little bit of karma.

"Huh, weird flavor." Vickie replied, looking at the drink with confusion. "Takes like dried maple syrup..."

But not too long ago, Vickie made up her mind again.

"I actually kinda like it. Better than that New Coke crap 30 years ago!" Vickie smiled.

And then, the GM of Smackdown took off running, leaving a speechless Ziggler behind.

"Huh, no wonder she loves drinking anything that's piss..." Dolph muttered.

* * *

**Ouch. Looks like that scene puts William Regal to shame there.  
**

**Anyway, more random crap coming next! Don't miss it!**


	18. Alberto Del Slappo

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Alberto Del Slappo  
**

Alberto Del Rio had opened up the door to his rich mansion in Mexico, where he is greeted by his hot sexy wife, Rosa Mendes.

Rosa had greeted him with open arms. "Mi amore-!"

_*SMACK!*_

But Alberto responded with a slap to the face, knocking Rosa down.

Her 10-year old daughter was next to greet Del Rio.

"PAPA!" her daughter shouted, but...

_*SMACK!*_

Del Rio responded by slapping her daughter in the face, knocking her down as well.

And then, Del Rio's mother came in next, greeting him back home.

"Miho-!" Her mother said, but...

_*SMACK!*_

Alberto slapped her mother hard in the back of her head, knocking her unconscious.

After seeing those three bodies unconscious on the floor, Del Rio stood tall and let out his victory speech.

"Bueno..."

But then, Alberto Del Rio suddenly raced out of the house and front-flipped onto his flying saucer disguised as a huge mariachi hat. He then flew away, going off to a better place.

* * *

**Anybody know where I got that idea from? I bet you can guess what this reference is from.  
**

**Anyway, more random crap to come!**


	19. Roman Blows It Yet Again!

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 19: Roman Blows It Yet Again!  
**

Roman Reigns was hanging around a vending machine when Eva Marie walked by. Trying to once again find that gentleman look, Roman approached her.

"Hey, Eva Marie. How's it going?" Roman smiled to her, but looked away. He became flattered by her striking red hair.

"Oh, nothing much. I'm getting ready for my match." Eva smiled as well.

Truth be told, Roman had cold feet. His last two meetings didn't go very well. So Roman hoped that the third time would be the charm.

"So, um... you got a minute? I wanna ask you something." Roman replied.

"Go right ahead." Eva nodded.

After a deep breath, Roman let out the words he needed to say.

"I fucked your mother! Wanna see the photos?" He shouted out randomly.

As a result, Eva sent Roman's head straight through the Coke machine, ramming his head through the plastic! Damn, that must've hurt!

"As if, you fuck-pig!" Eva Marie scoffed, blowing him off and leaving.

After Eva left Roman in the dust, Jake "The Snake" Roberts walked by, only to see a can of free Coke pop up inside the vending machine.

"Awesome. Free coke!" Jake exclaimed, moving Roman out of the way so he can grab the Coke all by himself.

He opened up the can so he could feel the tasty fizzy goodness go inside the Snake's own lips.

"Man, that's better than any booze I've snorted." Jake chuckled by himself.

And then, Jake finally left, not even noticing Roman's head going through a Coke Machine.

Finally regaining consciousness, Roman managed to speak despite getting his head stuck.

"SEEEEEEETH!" Roman muffled/screamed at his partner far away, namely Seth Rollins. "CAN YOU GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEEERE?"

"Can't do it! Snorting crack off a girl's tits now!" Seth hollered back.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Roman screamed in agony.

Consider Roman's little attempt strike three. As far as he was concerned, he was definitely out.

* * *

**First Cameron, then Kaitlyn, and now Eva Marie. Roman can't really catch a break, can he?  
**

**BTW, I added in that little Jake "The Snake" Roberts cameo at the last second, because it was soooooo awesome to see him back on Old School RAW, even if it was for only one night.**

**Anyway, more random crap to come, so watch out!**


	20. The More You Know: Seth Rollins

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 20: The More You Know: Seth Rollins  
**

Around backstage area, Seth Rollins of the Shield sat in the chair, speaking to the reader who may be reading this.

"Hi, I'm Seth Rollins of The Shield," Seth greeted everyone. "I'm here to talk about a problem that's facing America. And that's taking a shit while running. There's nothing good that can come out of taking a dump at 200 m.p.h. By god, take a shit in your bathroom, but never when you're running or jogging or sprinting. It's okay for Vickie Guerrero, considering she'll say anything that comes out of her mouth and her fat ass, but it's not okay for you. Just saying from a standpoint."

After his little speech was over and done with, a shooting star flew up upon Seth's head, reading out the words 'The More You Know' on the screen.

"Oh, and believe in boobies and The Shield."

* * *

**Seth absolutely has a point, it seems.  
**

**More random crap to come next chapter, so stay tuned!**


	21. Bad News Barrett Goes At It Again!

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 21: Bad News Barrett Goes At It Again!  
**

For the fourth excruicating time, "Bad News" Barrett stood up in his bright red podium. Standing up straight, he introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Bad News Barrett. I'm here for some good news and bad news." Wade responded. "The good news is, WWE gets his own channel."

And of course, there came the bad news.

"The bad news is, I took a shit on the ice cream you're eating right now. Enjoy having a case of shit breath! Thank you!"

* * *

**Ouch. Okay, this felt a little disgusting, but it's unexpected. It's always unexpected in my chapters  
**


	22. Catbug Rules!

**"When WWE Superstars Go Random"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE. The WWE and the wrestlers belongs to Mr. Vince McMahon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Catbug Rules!  
**

Ryback was hanging out around a coke machine when he sees Damien Sandow walk by.

"Hi, fair citizen!" Sandow greeted Ryback.

"Whatevs." Ryback muttered.

But then all of a sudden, Ryback threw several Cheese puffs at Sandow, knocking the so-called Intellectual Savior on the ground.

"Ack! What the excrament is wrong with you, ignoramus!?" Sandow exclaimed, wiping the cheese puffs off of him.

Then suddenly, Ryback grew a ladybug shell and wings from his back and floated up in the air. Staring down at Sandow, Ryback shouted in the air.

"I AM CATBUG," Ryback declared. "CATBUG RUUUUUUUUUUUULES!"

And then, Ryback flew away thanks to his wings. Sandow was speechless yet stunned.

"ARE YOU ON CRACK AGAIN?" Sandow screamed at Ryback.

* * *

**I can't hardly imagine Ryback as Catbug, but it would be cute nonetheless.  
**

**More random crap to come next. Until then, stay dry and Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! ^_^**


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